I'm The Doctor
by DancingDiamonds
Summary: I heard a cough which bought me out of my thinking, and I glanced to my side to see Arizona with tears in her eyes and I looked back to Dr Hoeper who was wearing a grim expression. "I'm sorry, must have lost focus for a while there, what did you say?"
1. Chapter 1

I was walking along the hospital halls; they were as familiar as ever though they felt foreign to me. I had walked this path, or even ran when my pager had gone off hundreds of times before, but I had never walked it from this point of view. They seemed darker, scarier even and the expanse of the corridors appeared so much longer. I was contemplating whether I was going to see Arizona before I went, I knew she wanted me to tell her when I was going in to find the results as she wanted to go with me, but I knew having her there was going to make it all the more difficult. A sympathetic look from my wife could usually set me off into a large amount of tears, and I knew that I didn't want something like that happening in this situation. So I decided not to go by the Paediatric Wing hoping that I might be able to avoid her all together and just go straight to the appointment.

I entered the elevator at the end of the hall, thinking if I took a direct route it will be over quicker. As the elevator doors dinged signally their arrival they slid open to show Arizona standing there with a concerned look on her face, I knew during this situation she would usually have a smug look on her face but she knew I was freaking out, and that woman understood me more than I understood myself sometimes. As I dared to look her into her eyes she gave me a small smile and took my hand, effectively stopping the shaking which I hadn't realised was occurring. We walked along the rest of the hall in silence, passing Mark sneaking a new intern into an on-call room along the way, and eventually got to the oncology department. Each time I saw that word "Oncology" I freaked out. I had been in this hospital for the past 15 years and I would have to refer people here occasionally after finding positive results in patients' bone marrow, but I had never imagined being a patient myself. Arizona was constantly telling me not to worry about something I couldn't control but considering what Dr Hoeper said last week I didn't feel very hopeful. As we went to go to the front desk to alert them to our arrival, Arizona pulled me into a free exam room and sat me down.

As I sat there I could feel her staring at me, waiting for me to do something, so I waited patiently until the silence was too awkward.

"How's your day been?" I said as I leant forward and grabbed her hand.

"Oh you know plenty of tiny humans to fix" she giggled, she was trying to make me laugh and I appreciated it.

"Same with Ortho, plenty of people breaking bones too" I gave her a small smile. I know we were just making small talk avoiding what we should have really been talking about though.

"Callie, you realise that whatever happens today that I will be here for you and with you and we will get through this"

"Yeah I know"

"I love you"

"Yeah I know that too"

She stood up and gave me a quick kiss to my lips, I was very tempted to deepen it as I had a strong surge of passion for my beautiful wife but I knew we couldn't. She grabbed my hand and led me out of the exam room and into the waiting room.

"Dr Calliope Torres?" Dr Hoeper asked with a grim smile.

I looked at Arizona as she squeezed my hand and stood up; we walked into the office and sat down, facing Dr Hoeper. Dr Hoeper was a nice lady, she was the best in her field, and from past appointments I thought she was a friendly person but I couldn't help but feel like we were about to be the receiver of bad news. It didn't help that she had a thick pile of papers on her desk which looked like they included the contacts of experts for treatments and counselling. I found my mind barrelling down into its worst thoughts when I sat there.

What if I couldn't work anymore? No more surgery.

What if it was hereditary? Sofia.

What if I died?

I heard a slight coughing which bought me back from my thinking, I looked around signalling that Dr Hoeper should continue with what she was saying but I had a feeling that she must have already made her announcement. I looked to Arizona who had tears in her eyes and had a trembling bottom lip, and then I looked back to Dr Hoeper who was wearing that grim look again.

"I'm sorry, must have lost focus for a while there, what did you say?"

She looked at me with a concerned look and took a deep breath before giving a slight glance towards Arizona, I realised what she said the first time must have been slightly difficult to say.

"Callie, the tests that you had last week have come back positive for leukaemia."

"Leukaemia?" I spluttered, and then I repeated it again in a whisper.

"Yes, and if we start treatment straight away your chances will increase majorly"

Chances? My chances would increase majorly? Was she saying that I didn't have much chance?

I sat there staring at her in shock, and then turned towards Arizona and just stared at her incredulously.

"What would you recommend that-"Arizona started but I just couldn't handle talking like this at the moment so I interrupted her.

"Okay, well is there a chance that we could reschedule this appointment to later this week and discuss our options then?"

"Uh yes Callie, but it would be better if we could do it now"

"Sorry I've got a hip replacement in half an hour"

Arizona looked at me questioningly after that, she knew that I had cleared my schedule for the rest of the day so I could go home after this appointment and she also knew that I don't even do hip replacements anymore as I don't exactly consider them "bad-ass" enough for me.

"Okay, well book an appointment with Cindy out in the waiting area and I will see-you soon" and as I stood up she put a hand on my shoulder "Callie, keep calm and remain positive". I then saw Dr Hoeper place the papers into Arizona's hands as we left. As Arizona went to book an appointment with Cindy I ran out of the office I began to feel incredibly claustrophobic.

"Callie, wait"

"No Arizona, I'm late for surgery"

"Callie, Wait!"

I ran down the hall and got in the elevator and as soon as the elevator doors began to close I saw her hand slip between the doors.


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing; all rights of characters belong to Shonda and the Grey's Anatomy team!

Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter everyone! It's so good to get some feedback! Enjoy!

Callie POV

I sighed heavily and considered running back out of the elevator but I thought that would be a bit childish. She saw my eyes flick towards the opened doors, and pushed me against the side of the elevator to ensure I wouldn't run. I glared at her as she held me captive against the wall and as we started to feel the elevator move I looked away. Her eyes were holding so much sympathy for me that I couldn't bare it. I then felt myself beginning to shake again and saw Arizona attempt to wrap her arms around me, but I refused and shoved her away roughly.

I then started to feel something I had never really felt before. I had previously been very angry. Felt so angry like I would explode, angry when my family had blatantly refused to accept me, angry when I found out George cheated on me, angry when Arizona went to Africa and even when Arizona returned from Africa but this was something with no comparison. My mind went blank apart from my anger; at that point I didn't even really know why I was angry, all I was aware of was it felt like the world was out to get me, and I felt the biggest lack of control.

Before I knew it I had smacked my fist into the wall, my knuckles were red raw and I felt a blinding pain, I had tears streaming down my face and I saw a trembling Arizona in the corner of the elevator.

I didn't know why the elevator doors hadn't opened but then saw that Arizona had pushed the STOP button. I sank down against the elevator wall, and lowered my head into my hands. The fear I saw in Arizona's eyes when she was watching me was all too much. I hadn't meant to scare her; my feelings were just so overwhelming I couldn't control it. I felt like the world was enclosing in on me and I couldn't do anything to fight it.

"I-I-I can't b-breath, Ariz-zona" I was gasping for air, my brain telling me to breathe but my lungs felt like they were the size of a thumbnail.

I saw Arizona kneel down and then felt her hands on each of my thighs, she stared at me forcing me to look into her eyes and another round of tears flooded out of me.

"Breath Calliope, don't think about anything else, just focus on what I'm saying, come on, in and out, in and out, that's it"

As I focused on what Arizona was saying it helped settle me, and I sat there and looked into Arizona's eyes. Her eyes always seemed to help me and they always spoke what she was struggling to say.

"It just doesn't seem real" I confessed.

"I know"

"I don't want any of this"

"Calliope, I know"

"What if I do-don't get through it? How are we going to tell So-Sofia? Or Mark? Or my family? They don't even ta-talk to me, how am I supposed to tell them-"

The next thing I knew I was on my back with Arizona straddling me looking down with tears in her eyes.

"Calliope, I love you, and we are going to do everything we can to get through this, because I love you more than I have loved anyone else and you are my wife, and I just love you so much"

And then her lips were on mine, melding together, both of us trying to convey without words how much we love each other.

We decided not to tell anyone about it until after the next appointment, we thought it would be better to have talked some things through with Dr Hoeper and learnt more about the situation. We were told that I had Acute Lymphocytic Leukaemia, a type of leukaemia usually diagnosed in children so they were as surprised as we were for me to have it. I was aware that this could possibly make it harder for Arizona to handle as well, as she sees some of her PEDS patients suffering with this.

They always say that doctors make the worst patients and this was no change to that theory. I questioned Dr Hoeper at every statement making sure she wasn't sugar coating anything. I learnt that there was a 30/50% survival rate for people my age and we were told that if the course we chose was chemotherapy that it would be brutal. She was also honest about the fact that with the amount of chemotherapy I was going to have, it was a definite I was going to lose my hair.

Arizona POV

I arrived home from work; Mark was looking after Sofia again so I could focus on Callie but as far as I could see the apartment was empty.

"Calliope?" I yelled out. "Where are you?"

When I didn't receive a reply that's when I started to worry, I walked through the lounge room towards our bedroom and poked my head in and didn't see her. But that's when I heard her and what I heard broke me.

I could hear Callie sobbing on the other side of the locked door to our en-suite. I ran across the room and softly spoke.

"Callie, honey, can you let me in"

But there was no response; her sobs just seemed to get louder.

"Callie, please let me in, I just want to help you"

But I could still hear no movement, so I quickly ran to the kitchen cupboard and took the spare key to the bathroom off of its hook.

As I put the key into the lock I turned it slowly as not to startle her. I found her sitting on the toilet lid shaking holding an electric razor in her hands.

"Callie, what are you doing?"

"I-I-I don't think I can do it Arizona"

"Do what?"

"My-my hair, I can't shave my head Arizona"

"Oh baby, you don't have too, you can just wait till the time comes" I tried to reason.

"NO! I need some control, and this is the only thing I can control" she stuttered. "I didn't realise it would be so hard to do" she was still crying as she stood up and looked into the mirror, her arms were shaking and I noticed she had certainly lost more weight.

I went up to her, and rapped my arms around her waist, pressing kisses onto the back of her neck and whispering reassurances in her ear, gently rocking us both in a soothing motion. I reached for her hand and softly took the razor from it, and placed it on the sink. I then turned her around and wrapped her up in the most comforting hug I could muster.

"It doesn't need to be today Callie, it doesn't need to be today"

We stood there for a while, my aim trying to calm her down and to slow her breathing. When she seemed to be improving I turned us around and led her onto our bed, lifting up the sheets and prodding her to get under the covers. I soon joined her and as I wrapped my arms around her we both sought solace in our sleep.


End file.
